DISMIKA DANSOVA!

a new dayyy :-D

yeay! watch movie with cuzzie Razie today! haha miss him so much!

hope things will get better today. since people can change.

once i reach home, i will play my Assassin's Creed II like hell yeah. take good care of my diet. meet friends and hang out with them. train hard hard hard. and be insanely happy haha :-P

i think i need "help". have mercy on me if you want to.

sometimes, i see other people. with such perfect lives. they went from sad to happy and omg, just like a dream come true.
they are happy with their loved ones. friends and family. and especially, the love of their life (which is of course the opposite sex or maybe they're just lesbos and gays. sorry please be open minded.)
it's true. yeah they do those normal human love life. stayed together for years and keep on loving each other. the freedom they have. the perfection they have that makes me want to cry to bits like hell. yeah it's like a dream come true you see! i mean, most of them are my friends. and they're happily together and taken.

while i'm staying here single and waiting for a train that will never come. or maybe that train will come. after i got deceased. who knows?

yeah maybe i'm throwing shit here (sorry, i need and have and must curse in this post) but why can't i have a nice life like they do? i have all the things i must have now. but that certain love from someone that i truly love and will be love is all that i'm craving for.

do you even get what i meant?

i'm sorry. i think you're confused but lets move on with this insanity that i have (starting to looove the word 'insanity')
i'm deeply in love with this one guy/lad/boy/man/whatever for the past few weeks. but i don't know whether he's deeply in love with me too.
we are two very DIFFERENT people.

he is... the normal teenage guy who hangs around with friends. well known in town. cool guy. typical guy. simple. plain. ordinary. caring. nice. beautiful (i'm serious.) funny.

while me... the not so normal. it's true! my mom told me once "you don't live a normal life, deera. you're different from anyone else. you have a future." and i know what she meant. i know my future and i will go for it. i train like a suck-up craving for the juiciest apple on top of a tree. packed daily schedule. limited freedom.

i love him. yes i love him. but he's taken. and there is nothing much i can do. i feel... too selfish. egoistic and vain. i'm not thankful enough.

and i don't even know what i'm shitting about right now!
cuz i truly need help! and i can't seek where!

:-(

oh my darn little FASCINATION!

hye there. tournament's over. got 2 Bronzes, 1 Silver and zero boredom. but now i'm starting to get a little bit bored. friends went home early. so me and mak stay here. holiday. just the two of us. and lonely. *heavy darn heavy sigh* in KL now and the phone signal is not so good gosh i hate it. please oh please hail digi haha! went to Sogo just now and met Naim. still i'm bored hmm.

argh boring intro. sorry for the unusual, insanely, weird blablas i wrote.
it's hard for me to tell you the reaaal story :-(

independence moment

oh my god i can't believe it! no more school! haha! give me 5 peepz! muahxxx!

got nothing else to say...

things to do (or to have) after SPM~!!!

hahaha okay here it is! can't wait can't wait!
:-P

train TRAIN train!
participate in super loads of tournaments!
travel!
be fairer! of course i still want to maintain it haha.
a killer hot BOD! haha.
learn how to ride a motorbike. seriously!
drive a car! get my license!
Mitsubishi Evo! Suzuki Swift! Audi! Volks! Oh my i can't decide!
hang out with FRIENDS! cuz back then during school days, it was hard for me to hang out with them. reason? can't tell ya. it's incredibly emotional haha!
change a bit of my image. maybe my hair? or my dressing? i don't know.
a new phone! oh please mummy pleaseee! :-(
a better boyfriend? but never mind it's not my top priority after all haha!

yes i mayyy be materialistic but hey, it's what i want!
and i know you want it too! haha. well, not all of them but some part of it, right? heh! (-_-)"

i love you.
but i can't help myself.
i'm just the middle person.
and an evil witch.
i don't want to destroy the both of you.

you think you should act that way? i don't think so.
cuz life gets super hard when you want something super nice. it's contagious! very!
i don't know. maybe it's just nature. acting that way.
teaches u s to be more... REALISTIC! ahah that's right! i hate it. do i?
i really, really, really need:

a beautiful fantasia FOREST... with the old centuries worn bridge over the blue clear river. Trees with blue-green leaves. Colorful flowers everywhere. Pretty butterflies... playing around like little children. Flying up high in the sky with the mystical Pegasus. Fantasies...

just my imagination. that anyone would forget...

I MISS YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
DO I REALLY NEED YOU?
I MISS YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
DO I REALLY NEED YOU?
I MISS YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
DO I REALLY NEED YOU?
I MISS YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
DO I REALLY NEED YOU?

just came back from tuition.
had quite a great day haha not that really great cuz i woke up at 1PM can you believe that? and it's cool cuz i never have the ultimate, golden chance to wake up late! haha!